thoughts

our first public performance as a j1 batch, bang bang you're dead, was today at the arts house as part of the celebrate drama 2007.
for the first time ever, i actually loved and felt for this piece. it really spoke to me, especially during ed's visualisation exercise before the show. i never really thought about the real depth and meaning of the words in the script prior to today, but when i did, it made me tear a little.

imagine...
you are young, healthy, with your whole life ahead of you. you have a great family, awesome friends, a zest for life. in a matter of seconds, with one bullet, all that is taken away. all your possibilities, your dreams and aspirations......gone. life extinguished just like that, and you will never know what you could have seen/heard/loved in your lifetime. u will never see your loved ones again, never do all you wanted to do. and all because one other person decided to kill you, just for the heck of it.
i wonder what REALLY goes on in the minds of these killers. take for example the virginia tech guy... i'm sure he had some deeply-rooted psychological issues which eventually fuelled his ghastly killing spree and subsequent self-inflicted death.:( these people... stray too far for others to pull them back, and the only way they know how to channel this rage and anger at the world is to resort to violence. i think it's damn sad.
please come for bang bang if u can. i'm not saying this because i was told to, or because i have to clear tickets, but because i really think it's a very powerful play and it will definitely set you thinking about social issues such as gun control, and it will also make you appreciate your own life even more.


so you make your face a mask
a mask that hides your face
a face that hides the pain
a pain that eats your heart
a heart nobody knows

today i finally uploaded all my photos

from most recent to least:

youth sunday '07

the fabulous choir (:
i love this shot i took on the bus i think it's very cool (:











Ballet under the stars











sc choir concert





asian boys vol.3

post rgs drama thing

glory and ceci's IS

times spent with friends are truly priceless

anyway today i went to school at 10am becos i was so tuckered out from ytd. we had rehearsal at arts house and i reached home at 12pm (!!). it's really draining...but knowing that all the other drama ppl are going thru the same thing makes it easier to bear.we were all dead today in school, and nick was going arnd asking ppl to show him their eyebags. mine are like the size of africa. but anw, i just want to encourage all the drama ppl to press on alrite! after all this is over, we will emerge stronger and it will be worth it. esp to ning and dharsh..i'm so glad i have u two. we have it the worst cos tapestry,bang bang and 'i've got rhytnm' all clash and there are so many endlesspractices. we'll pull thru, tho. we always have.

sometimes i wonder what good is there in having two ccas. like these 2weeks, rehearsals on both sides clash and we always miss out on one thing or the other. when we have to miss things, we get flak on both sides.i hate feeling like i'm short-changing either cca becos i have to be at the other one. OPPORTUNITY COST is so great (haha i just had to include that). but i guess none of us will give up dance cos we love it so much.it's gonna be like that for the next 1.5 years but AT LEAST WE HAVE EACH OTHER,YES? :)

egad, tml is dance comm interview :/

performance reviews

ballet under the stars: it was very good, i loved the item about the rose. it's somewhat inspired me for IS next yr (: B.U.T.S was a night of dance, friends, fireworks (from the nearby NDP preview), food, sparkling wine (from cornerstone, no less... going for a scream @ $5. we bought two bottles :) or rather, dear joanne bought 2 bottles for us to share). picnicking under the stars with nice ppl. i love the whole 'under the stars'-open-air concept, it's so novel and different from the usual stuffy thatres.

sc choir concert: a reunion of sorts...i met alot of seniors and old friends.this yr's perf was really good...very different from previous yrs, but in a good way. i honestly didnt expect it to be that good this yr, but mrs goh proved once more that she cna do ANYTHING. (: they took a big risk,deviating from the norm..but it paid off. i really enjoyed the concert, and watching them on stage made me miss being in a choir so much..being in SC choir. ack,the first song they performed was the rose. when they sang it i nearly cried because 1.i was so proud of them 2.all the memories of my secondary school days came flooding back (it was only last yr,but it seems like eons ago) 3. this song was my item in restless this yr,so it has special meaning for me.

asian boys vol 3: watched this last sunday. i enjoyed it tremendously, it is excellent as an artistic piece. simply portrayed--no elaborate set and costumes,yet powerful in its simplicity. the message was lucidly conveyed, and it even managed to wrangle certain emotions from me. the play grappled with a very relevant topic--homosexuality. i liked the way the playwright had all those masked ppl,those scene transitions,the flashback,etc. and, the actors were very competent.as i looked around at the audience, i felt even more sure of the fact that gay men are the hottest ones around,sadly. but anyway, i had to go home a re-evaluate my stand on homosexuality though. i have to talk to someone abt it.. like some strong christian or smth... cos,i'm starting to personally think it's ok. i do have gay friends,and i've told them repeatedly that i love/accept them for who they are. u can't change who you are right? i understand how hard it must be for them,and that makes me want to accept them even more.it's very hard, but what really helps os for friends and family to be supportive and understanding. yet, i know that God hates this sort of thing; He said so in His word. :( it's all very confusing: what society accepts and tolerates contradicts what God wants us to accept/tolerate. the christian belief is being watered down, if we stick by it, ppl will condemn us for being old-fashioned/uptight.sighh :( on the other hand, i myself don't want to condemn homosexual people,it's not only wrong; it's low. :(



yeah but anw, i'm very happy that i got in to the asean thing for dance! (: i didnt expect it,esp since i have drama overload this week due to bangbang. but i'm veryhappy that he chose me,i'll do my best man. and show him that he didnt choose wrongly (:

oh. just now i was reading someone's blog. i feel bad for all the times i've been mean. i want to change i want to change;i nearly cried when i was reading her blog u noe :(

(:

what doesnt kill u will only make u stronger. thanks everyone who tagged on my comment board (: the rest of the week, albeit tiring, was much better. i think it's cool that we can always draw strength from God and how everything becomes so much more manageable after we give it up to Him.

by the way HAPPY SEXY SEVENTEENTH NING!!!! i loooove u
anyway, on wed my whole body ached all over..i dunno if it's a good thing cos er, i guess it means i've been burning alot of calories (??), and tearing muscles, as ning said. :/ monday we had tapestry prac, tue dance+youth sun acap prac, wed dance+tapestry. i was thinking abt it, and july really seems to be CHOCK FULL of performances. i made a list of them (yes i realise that i'm always making lists, but they make me feel organised u see)
in july:
-performed for: glory and ceci's dep exam pieces (YES YES I WILL PUT UP PICTURES SOON AND SEND IT TO ALL THE PPL WHO REQUESTED FOR THEM!)
-watched (so far): Dim Sum Dollies, Asian Boys vol 3, dep IS showcase, rgs drama production
-going to watch: SC choir concert...tomorrow (: and ballet under the stars on sat
-going to perform for: TAPESTRY [28 july, 5pm @ ngee ann city--pls come down to support us!], Bang Bang you're Dead [3 and 4 aug @ sub station--pls buy tickets from me if interested thankyou], and for dance: open house on 8sept and (HOPEFULLY) the broadway dance for the asean thing (auditions are on sat :/) and lastly for church: this sunday: AMC YOUTH SUNDAY! 10:15am @ aldersgate methodist church. i will be in the choir+acapella item. :)

yes, so many things so little time. but i just hope that all this will be good for honing my performative skills man. oh and bytheway we are playing for the cf worship tomorrow(: hehe

lastly this is a shoutout thing for SHERN!
besttea, i'm soo proud of u for making it to council exco, and on mon when u were installed i felt so extremely happy for u, cos i KNOW that u're gonna shine in the place God has put u in. (: and thanku for the sweeet messages that day,they really made me feel better. you've always been there for me and i'm so thankful for someone like u. rem i'll be here for u too k(: and yes we'll be
like jonathan and david k. loveu loads <3>

murphy's law in full force

where do i even begin? today was one of the lousiest days i've had in a long time. had a headache that plagued me all thru the day at varying degrees of pain. lost one of my new earrings that i bought 2 days ago. my wallet button broke. got screwed big time during tapestry,sigh. i hate being such a slow learner. i take a long time to nail steps down, becos i'm not the type of ppl who can pick it up quickly. after i nail the steps,though, i know i can deliver a great performance. it's just the initial moments of learning a dance that i hate, because ppl tend to judge dancers on how quickly they learn steps, which isn't really fair because that doesn't define a true dancer at all. but i have faith in myself that i can and will deliver eventually. that's ultimately what's the most important thing isn't it? i learn by muscle memory, which means that i have to constantly do the action,if not i'll forget it. sigh

also, it hit me today that pretty soon, i will have no semblance of a life.at least till the end of the month. >.<

people like me cannot function this way!

just now i was wallowing in abject self pity, and disgusting myself in the process. we all have BADdays like this...today just opened my eyes to certain aspects of my existence that i am far from happy with. actually i wanted to start this entry with i hate my life, but then i decided against it, because even though i've uttered those 4 words countless times today (out of sheer frustration), i guess i don't really mean it, deep down. at least i hope not :(
i don't want to have regrets in life, but today as i watched the 32nd students' council getting installed, i was just sitting there and wishing that i had run for council, becos being in a coucil like that is so...worthwhile. in sc, i had so many opportunities for leadership, and i took those for granted. i hate feeling regretful, but it's too late now. :(

you know,happiness is really soelusive. i remember, i was so happy when i found out that i got into dep. so happy, when i found out i got into westside. so happy when i got into acjc. yeah,but all that, and other instances of 'happiness',were all short-lived. nth gives true happiness except God.. havent we heard that numerous times alr? but there is truth in that you know. i know He's testing me; He always has been, but it's a painful process that we all have to go thru in order to grow.

k i'm glad i've more or less sorted out my thoughts. at least there's no more inner turmoil and sadness anymore. negativity is self-destructive, but then again it's human nature.i hope to snap out of this pathetic state soon.

tml will be a better day!

OOPS =p

as i expected, i did leave out alot of ppl on my list so i feel very bad and i decided to give these ppl another entry! (:
YULIANG
JOANNEHUANG
YUMING
NING
CHAR
CHIN
ROSE
JEAN
STEF
4GY PPL
DRAMA/DANCE (TOO MANY. I REALLY HAVE TO STOP HERE,EOM IS DUE TODAY AND I'M AT HOME DOING THIS. BLUE SLIPPED FOR THE WEEK, BY THE WAY,IN CASE ANYONE THINKS THAT I'M PONNING SCHOOL,SO THERE :D)

yes. i hope ur big name is there now <3333
anw, on a parting note, i'd just like to say:
dearest j2 deppers, wanna wish u all the best for this week. u've all been working so hard for ur IS,i'm sure it will all pay off and u guys will get the grades u deserve. (: don't be nervous ok. we are behind u all the way. GO BLOW THE EXAMINER AWAY!

i <3 mark and yelynnn =)

i love being around my good friends.
on mon i went to orchard for awhile with ye, then vivo to meet her sis+sis's boyfriend+mark. we watched nancy drew, which is a rather bad movie by the way. the saving grace is the cool preppy fashion nancy dons, and her cute boyfriend [i think the actor is Max Thieriot??]. oh oh ,and rachel leigh cook...she's so superbly gorgeous i tell u. but ok,the movie did give me an adrenaline rush at times...just that the plot was abit too predictable, and not very intricate. i hereby deem it a tween flick,since it's star is emma roberts after all. tween flicks are fun to watch,but more or less brainless. nancy drew was,in mark's words, "amusingly bad". haha :D but the company was good so it was still enjoyable.

i met ye and mark on tue again for dinner @ tea party! haha...we did our work too and spent alot of $$ on food. tea party is a fabulous place to chill,and their scones are the bomb. the crispy chicken thing is good too.
so i had an overdose of these two unity ppl over two holidays,but i'm not complaining. haha (:

the other day i was being bo-liao and thinking abt all the ppl who mean alot to me. i even separated them into the different aspects of my life ok! haha. yes i know i'm wonky. but it's a cute list...............................................................

ppl i love especially much (some are repeated names cos they are in more than one aspect of My Life):
*drama: mark+ye+kester+gabby+dharsh+jen+suyee+les+roxy+glory+jas+ed+etc
*dance: cas+momo+rich+cheryl+claire+seniors like candice, ken, perry,l ydia, etc + dharsh+ ed+les+etc
*church: shern+bel+chanel+chris+suyee+aud+kev+deb+clinique[just kidding ;p]+natalie ang+etc
*family: all, esp natalie ang
*sc: jess+jas+zara+lishan+etc
*etc etc
i hope i didnt leave out anyone. woo hoo,i hope that if they read this and see their big name up there, a surge of joy will spring forth from the innermost depths of their secret souls and a wide smile will spread on their faces like the sun's beams on a summer day. :D

healing rally

i was touched ytd, and now i am convinced more than ever that i serve an awesome God. altar call...i didnt go up to be prayed for initially, because i felt that i didnt require any form of physical/spiritual healing at that point of time...plus, there were already alot of ppl up there, wanting to be prayed for. My previous experiences at such altar calls also didn't impact me much, so i thought that this one would be the same, and i didnt bother going up. As such, when he was praying for other ppl, i sat by myself and meditated abit. God spoke to me, in a way. i was struck by how unworthy i was, to be loved by such an awesome God. There was a man who had constant spasms, up in front. i was observing him and thinking to myself how blessed i am to be healthy/safe/happy...how i really don't deserve all this. It nearly made me cry ok! The mantra "Less me, more God" also kept popping up in my head. I was thinking abt how i'm often so focussed on myself and what makes me happy, that i forget that i was created for a greater purpose other than myself. yeah... it was a small revelation for me. all this was previously head knowledge, but on saturday it became smth i knew in my heart.i felt closer to God after that.
Then, i was talking to joel tan/dawn/jesse...and they were telling me how pastor francis could tell them what was wrong with them,w/o them saying a word. i was amazed, but wasnt sure if i should go up. eventually i did, and i'm so glad i did.I didnt say anything to pastor khoo, but in my heart there was a nagging issue that i was thinking abt. To my amazement, pastor khoo addressed it (indirectly), and i was so overwhelmed that i CRIED. (i don't cry very often, by the way) yeah...it was very good. i was AMAZED ok.

after the healing rally i went to taka to meet jess and jas for dinner!! i love them man (: nth beats catching up with old friends. and jess told me smth quite um, shocking, but whatever. i can't believe he didn't tell me himself (!!!) TSK.
it was fun hanging with the two of them tho. yay(:

tml...bangbang, then i think i'm going out with some funky ppl from aa1! :D so glad it's a holiday