--

it's not a nice feeling to feel unneeded/inadequate/inferior/unimportant,and it sucks to have all these negative feelings in your face at the same time. i try to be optimistic about things and i try not to whine but it's becoming increasingly hard. i'm starting to wonder what the hell i'm doing in jc.

jaded--

i feel...tired of things. its as if nth gives me joy anymore,not even the things i hold dear to my heart. i've learnt over the months that everything can be taken away from one in a blink of an eye. friends disappoint,once-exciting events become mundane. i need smth solid to cling to,and i know what ppl will tell me--God,right? but i cant even feel His presence anymore,and whenever i go to church i feel so... lethargic. inertia just washes over me,no matter how hard i try to push it away. that's what happened today,and shern was the only one who noticed. we talked for some time,and i appreciate her loads.some friendships are forever. others are ephemeral,though,and it kinda saddens me cos i for one value my friendships greatly,but....being human beings,we tend to let others down (albeit sometimes unconsciously). some ppl have inflicted hurt without being conscious of it;i only hope that i never become like that.
i really need to find something that i can be passionate about,that i can invest in,and which won't let me down. i thot that solid friendships,theatre,dance etc...could fill that void within me but i was wrong. to experience temporal joy is really nothing,cos it's fleeting.i know what i need, just please dun tell it to me.i know,it's so patently obvious,but......i dunno. after taking the MBIT personailty test i learnt that i'm a FEELER by nature, but right now i feel nothing.

*firstandforemost i wanna thank shern,chu,claire,grace,dor,ed and jas for the encouraging tags (: i love u guys so much man

anw the hols have almost ended,and so concludes a veryawesome and wellspent oneweek(: i'm really pleased cos i managed to catch up on sleep and spend time with the family,which was nice. and since everyone's hot topic is currently what did u do during the holidays, i'm gg to sum it up here so that i can cease telling my grandmother story to everyone who asks.

mon: went to kes's house for jammin. (L-R: kes,tim,elizabeth,nic,darrell) i'm the one taking the picture(: i think we'll be playing for chapel some time soon















then some of the 1990 church ppl watched history boys. i thot it was not-bad,but apparently only me and hosea actually 'enjoyed' it; the rest didnt like it much. hmm i recommend this movie only if u're good at reading into innuendos;if not u're gonna end up clueless and waste your money.

tue: dance in the afternoon and ROMP at nite. was damn fun! (: pity we missed rich and dharsh's perf ;( but i'm still proud of u guys for comin in fourth tho!! the place was really packed;i couldnt really dance on the stage cos there were way too many ppl









the romp gang. we're rock i tell you,cos all of us went for romp and came home late,yet ALL of us went for dance the next morning(:


wed: dance again, then lunch with my darlin dancers babes+shawn. after lunch i went to DYE MY HAIR so now it's BACK TO BLACK.....hope everyone's satisfied :/

thu:day trip with the family to m'sia. was SO AWESOME i tell u,just chillin the whole day.















fri:went out with my grandma and nat. omg i had a dental appt too and i have to extract my lower left wisdom tooth in june.yikes,its gonna SWELL and its gonna be damn painful! :( i'm glad june is still a long way off.

hurr,it's school on monday. for once i'm not dreading it,cos i know it's gonna be a slack,slack week. at least for us... poor j2s tho. uh,
GOOD LUCK FOR TERMS,JAY-TWOS!!
take care everyone [else],and cheers ppl

---

this week,i learnt alot. about myself;about my expectations for myself and my shortcomings.
-wed was emo day,lesley will know what i mean. i havent cried so hard for a long,long time..think i scared my dad when i started sniffling away in his car.
-thu,i managed to rectify the problem when i spoke to denise. [thanks les and rox for being there with me!] shan't elaborate here because i reckon i've alr reflected enough and i want closure.
-fri was campfire. shits,i reallyREALLY miss the first intake ppl!! :( was overjoyed that jen,kes,dewei,rich made it back(: ....but it really saddens me so much to see ppl like claire,bagus,hao,justin etc having to leave. SIGH. i'm really thankful for my place in ac cos i know that there are SO MANY ppl who want a place here but cant get one. what annoys me is that ac has such a lot of 2nd-intakers who dun even friggin want to be here,while there are so many others who are posted to cj/jj and want a place in ac so bad.such is the unfairness of life. :( damn, i wish that everyone cld just get posted to wherever they wanted to go so that we cld all be happy; but thats way too idealistic (and unfeasible).
orientation2 was (inevitably) not as fun as O1,but who cares... t'was a good respite from the mundane-ness of academics. oh,subj registration was on wed.i kept to my origina lcombi......funny isnt it,after all that deliberation. H2 lit,H2 econs,H2 DEP,H1 maths,H1 GP--no chinese(: everyone was questioning why i had decided to carry on with dep but i've decided that i don't owe anyone an explanation cos its my life and my future. plus, i dun intend to wallow in regret later on either.
yeah. today was the alpha youth thing. i wasnt extremely excited/enthu abt my sticky nose relay game but still had to do it anyway.ppl must think i'm a friggin retard or smth now.but it was sure heartening to see those new belivers give their testimonies and stuff tho. (: made it all worth it

i'll never forget.

posting today---ac arts (: i have a feeling nth's gg to change after jae,at least for me. i'm still gg to register for the same subjects,take the same ccas. the only thing thats gg to change is the ppl arnd me. damn,i'm feeling so emo now. chris is gg to acs(i),cheryl is gg to aj/pj :( i'm happy for them,yet i know that i'll miss them like mad. thats the thing abt me,i realise: i grow emotionally attached to ppl way too quickly.it aint a very good thing. ytd i kinda alr knew that they wouldnt be coming back to ac, so i took as many pictures as i could,so that at least the memories of first 2 mths wld assume a tangible form. sigh. tml the 2nd intake ppl will be coming--new faces,new names to learn..........i guess having new ppl is a good thing. change is good.

or is it?

1AA1--the best,sexiest,most awesome class ever.

chris and cheryl,i'll never forget u






well at least i still have you two(:










mark!the sole boy,the excellent chairman. attempts to nerdify himself,and succeeds.

life in pictures

family photo(: an annual affair on cny

my darling depper babes. and dillon

the sqealing girls of glory's dep piece

oooh la la the HAWT MANNEQUIN that donned asoka's robes for ceci's piece (:

pcg at nydc

march is a brand new month(:

today i donned the ac uni for the first time(: it's rather nice,and i think the collar is damn sexyyyyy! ahwell, founders day was damn boring; nuff said.

anyway i cant believe its MARCH alr...and next week is second orientation(:
feb was one awesome month---busy but fun. towards the last week of feb i had to deal with my dep dilemma-- to drop or not to drop it [as a subject]? cos everyone,literally EVERYONE,was saying how time consuming it was and how it aint worth it blahblahblah.quite a few of the deppers are dropping it, and i was gg to do that too but i kept changing my mind cos u know,i'm such a fickle person and all......anyhow,my final verdict is no. i'll stick with dep. i came to ac for dep so i'll stick with it,even tho other ppl arent...if not,i might as well have gone to poly cos frankly,none of the other subjects interest me in the least, not even lit.everything's becoming TERRIBLY boring and mundane now and i'm alr tired of academics even b4 the actual work has begun. (hooray)

but ok, since i'm sticking with dep i know i'll have to sacrifice certain things,like my time and perhaps my sanity . maybe even my social life...but you noe what, i aint gonna let that happen! i will make sure that i go out of my way to spend time with all my friends and family,and i'll have excellent time management too. i'm feeling rather ambitious now. sounds abit mad to want to do all these things,and to do them well,but hey if tan lifeng can do it then so can i. God will see me thru all the shit i'll eventually have to go thru! i'm mentally prepared, so bring it on baby.

i'm lazy to blog more. will post pics nxt time