jaded--

i feel...tired of things. its as if nth gives me joy anymore,not even the things i hold dear to my heart. i've learnt over the months that everything can be taken away from one in a blink of an eye. friends disappoint,once-exciting events become mundane. i need smth solid to cling to,and i know what ppl will tell me--God,right? but i cant even feel His presence anymore,and whenever i go to church i feel so... lethargic. inertia just washes over me,no matter how hard i try to push it away. that's what happened today,and shern was the only one who noticed. we talked for some time,and i appreciate her loads.some friendships are forever. others are ephemeral,though,and it kinda saddens me cos i for one value my friendships greatly,but....being human beings,we tend to let others down (albeit sometimes unconsciously). some ppl have inflicted hurt without being conscious of it;i only hope that i never become like that.
i really need to find something that i can be passionate about,that i can invest in,and which won't let me down. i thot that solid friendships,theatre,dance etc...could fill that void within me but i was wrong. to experience temporal joy is really nothing,cos it's fleeting.i know what i need, just please dun tell it to me.i know,it's so patently obvious,but......i dunno. after taking the MBIT personailty test i learnt that i'm a FEELER by nature, but right now i feel nothing.