as i sit back and ruminate

the other day i was just looking back on the year and evaluating all the choices that i've made so far--and of course journalling down my thots--at 1.05am in the morning.

i can say in all confidence that i've really seen God working in my life this yr. sustaining me thru all the rehearsals and the stressful periods, and helping me attain the grades that i got for promos. i am nothing without him,seriously. and all the choices i've made, thankfully i have no regrets. of course, our minds will constantly be clouded by 'what ifs', but hey, there aint room for regrets baby! not now at least, in this in this face paced age. but regardless, i've learnt alot within this year, and i've met so many new and different ppl, some of whom have become special friends(:

and yeah, i remembered His promise in Jer 29:11 (shern's birthday verse!haha), and it is v evident to me now. i remembered how crushed i was when i didnt make it to drama comm, and i began questioning my abilities and ppl's perception of me, etc.but on retrospect, i didnt have to be upset at all cos of God's better plan--woots! dance comm is where i feel totally comfortable, and where i feel like i can really thrive, really serve my best with my particular personality and work ethnic. and the people are wonderful! haha. and God knew it all along, but at that time i was too myopic to see the big picture.
and as for the way ppl perceive me, i've gotten all enlightened abt that too.. now i seriously don't give a hoot. my worth is not determined by other ppl, because i am already precious in His sight. that's all that matters isnt it?

i also thought about other things too, but it's too long to add here.my entry was like, 7pages long :/ anw so i went to sleep feeling quite blessed, quite happy with life in general. ppl have a propensity to ask me why i'm always so happy and i like to say that i guess i was born that way. from now on my ans has been slightly tweaked:ok, i think that i'm more or less perpetually happy cos well, i have Jesus in me. i know that ppl who are like constantly happy and upbeat can be annoying, but heck la, cant be suppress it so express it. quite lame but i guess it sums up what i want to say. :) and of course life hasn't always been a bed of roses for me.. puh-lease. i've had my share of stormy emo days, but i think that a 'gift' that i've discovered abt myself is that i can snap back quickly enough. glory pointed it out to me b4 but at that time i couldnt see it.

many of my friends always tell me how life sucks and all... i'll just add my two cent's worth here: life is what u make of it man. when things happen there aint no pt in crying over spilt milk, just gotta press on. oscar wilde once said that life is too important to be taken seriously. so we gotta see the funny side of things, or at least the positive side/silver lining. i am currently trying to adopt that mindset for myself and it does help. nowadays i find myself feeling lighter, and less affected by externalities. also, cultivate an inner strength cos i find that it will indeed see u very far, esp when life gets stormy. better still, put ur trust in someone who cares abt even the tiniest hair on ur head. (duh, the One who created you.) hmmrm. u don't have to agree with what i'm saying, or u cld say 'what does she know, she'll never understand,' or i cld come across as disillusioned with life itself, perhaps even a tad preachy/sanctimonious. but i hope my input helps, at least a little (:

ah. now i feel like i have properly discharged something that has been pressing on my heart, so gdnight (:
CPA gala dinner @ ritz tml!!